Dear whoever is even reading or following is blog, though I do not think of any creature in this world that would even care about this beautiful blog.
It's been a while since I have written anything on this blog. It's like my life has departed from writing down what ever I feel to just ignore them. But for the purpose of this blog, I'll keep to the topic of my lover.
Everything went good so far, after the 1.5 years of college, I manage to get a ticket and get back home to see her. It was one of the happiest day of my life when I get to surprise her of my coming. I was in Malaysia/Indonesia for only 2 months. My mother, especially, wanted me to get back here faster as she deemed "better." I could actually stay longer (like days more) but she insisted me of going back fast. Sometimes everything she said defies all my logic. Aside that though, I think I managed to show my parents a little more better bond compared to the last time when they first left me here in Seattle. Now, atleast there are calls once a week, unlike previously in college where there would be a month of or 3 of no calls. I really want them to believe that I can live by myself, and what I am now is the product of their teaching. Sometimes I do feel a little tension-ed because mother always seem to say how much she feel like helping me out to live here. I honestly appreciate the feeling, but I also do not want that to happen. I want to live where I can realize how useless I am, therefore I could learn. My mentality maybe partially retarded, but I hate when people straight assume that I cannot do things by myself, or pitying me when I am in my stressful times. I don't mind being guided, but I do not tolerate if someone helped me out because they think I'm no good by myself.
This all reminded me of a guy that I met back in my college. He was a handicap from hip down to toes. When someone opened the door for him, he doesn't smile nor say anything. But when he helped to hold/open the door, he smiled brightly. The question is, why does he smile when he helped, instead of when being helped?
Is it wrong to constantly help a handicap person 24/7?
Not everyone are the same, but I do hope ya'll get my hypothesis clear.
Back to things...
It's been nearly 6 months again ever since I saw my lover. It went by quite fast and weirdly smooth. I recalled the day I left this city for home... It was smokey from the Canadian forest fire, and I was really reluctant to go back home. I honestly did not want to go back at all... I only went back because I didn't want to upset my lover due to the promise I made to make her calmed down before I left ( I actually hoped that she would have forgotten about that promise). When my friend drove me down pass the city, I really had the feel of not wanting to leave at all. When I flew from here to SF, I could not stop being stressed of going back home at all. I cannot emphasize this enough, I really did not want to go back. But when I arrived back here after the trip, after my friend drove me close to the city, I have only one thing in my head, I don't want to be here. When I arrived at my friend's house, I cried a little and wished time would go faster. That, however, only happened for 3 days. After that I was back to the feeling of not wishing to move out again. Funny me.
By the way, I did move into the university that I have always wanted to get into ever since 2 months before its application due date. I remember writing how much of a leader I am, how much I adore the university, how much I love their program... when I never even ever stepped into the campus yet. The only time I visited the campus was when I got accepted and I had to clear up some immigration things. Currently I'm in my 2nd quarter here and everything sucked as I did not get 4.0 yet, mostly were 3.8-3.9s. But guess what, I got into a lab, working with some unique mechanisms of the cell when growing. I really liked the lab and I pray to all Gods that my mentor won't fire me.
That's all to it mostly, but I do plan to make a new blog chapter, since this one was actually mainly about the change I had when I get into relationship with my lover. Maybe I'll write up something here again if I see any thing related to the change in me as I'm progressing with my lover. But of course I may continue to write up bullshits since I forgot how to link blogs to blogs.
Intermission in Opera?