Well... hello darl. Nothing much to say... Just, I'm not in that very good mood though.
These days we skyped less cause you were busy. I'm fine with that actually, but I feel darl doesn't show me much affection as before.
I'm having my 2 weeks holiday now and I've been waiting for this moment to skype you as much as we can without having to look at the clock every single minute. Did you know? When I Skyped you during school days, I always cannot put my skype on fullscreen? I do that because I always watch the clock at my taskbar so I won't be late for class. It is not comfortable to not skype you in fullscreen you know that? But now when we can, darl ish busy. Not your fault tho... I'm just saying cause you know how much I hate when things I planned doesn't really work out.
Today, you told me first thing in the morning that you want to relax and told me to wait another 30 min. I was like.... is it.... not relaxing for you to skype me? I really donno though. You told me that you ish lazy to go and move around? (from your room to living room) that's why you wanna relax by watching youtube in your room? You told me something like that. You know? This may sound bad, but.... I actually never wanted to skype you in the morning. Now now, don't get alll worked up ye? I have reasons behind everything. It's just.... everytime I wake up at 8 in the morning, I really wish I could just not open my tired eyes you know? It's really pain for me to wake up by my alarm and text you and check your availability. Sometimes when you don't reply fast or messages got only 1 tick, I had to quickly move my legs down the floor and walk to computer eventhough I hate it. Try one day.... no no no. A MONTH, wake up at 8 just to skype me. You'll feel the pain. So much pain that Skyping < Sleeping. But I always have to fight my sleepy side just to see you. My one and only motivation to wake up early and being tired everyday is the hope that darl would cheer me up. But truth to be told, it's not always guaranteed that you'll always make me happy. Sometimes I'm happy, and sometimes I sads because of what you expect me to be. I can't be very talkative all the time darl... So sometimes you've gotta be the one that talks alot in the convo... Every morning I always put the bet on you making me happy, you know that? So now you know.... how to ruin my day and make me sien of skyping you in the morning. You may have the want to relax at that time, but just to tell you, every morning I have to fight that similar feelings just to see you.
Darl said tomorrow you gonna go Malacca. I was sad. You know why? I wanted to have a fun and proper Skype with you. Most of these days, you browse browse stuff while skyping me, making me speechless. Even sometimes when I talk to you, halfway you just cut me off and go do something else. That's why today you said I ish quiet. I am tired darl. I am tired in the morning, and become more tired because when I use my morning energy to wake up and set up computer, and talk to you, you don't seem to appreciate it. Right now I'm kidda saying that it's your fault, but if it is really my fault to be quiet, please tell me, I would love to settle this problem in anyway peaceful. I'm that kind of person who would let the people I love to put the blame on me, so that problem solved faster. But sometimes I do fear that one person would think that it's always my fault in the end. And I'm afraid that you'll be that person. I'm really not good in saying who's right and who's wrong you know.... especially towards the people I love. It feels bad to say they wrong... because in the end I would exaggerate it and make them feel worst. In addition to the problems we have, you don;t remember this but, I asked you "Where you know?" 3 times and you did not answer my question. You were busy with your going Malacca group.... I find it weird le... Because for me, I respect every thing someone said/typed and I would go scroll up to check if missed anything. Other reason why I learned to respect what people text me is also because I rarely get any text. I appreciate any words that are given to me. If someone give me lots of questions in separate speech bubbles or in one big speech bubble, I would read everything and make sure I answered everything. In order to ask someone a question, a trust is given. Why would you ask questions to someone who won't answer? Haih. This happened before when you told me you only answer my last question. Until now, when I want to ask you questions, I prefer to ask you one by one, which I find it sien. I mean it is easier to I ask you in one go, and you answer me in one go. That's all....
Back to what happened... Even when you chat other groups or other people, if you gonna switch convo back to me, won't you see the notification that I replied you? I don't know you, but I do see that. When I switch back from different convos, even if I want to repost something to you, I would still check what you said or ask, and reply them all before I repost or start a new topic; so that I can still read what you typed. That's what you do as well, I asked you stuff, you repost me something from other convo, and usually you ignored what I typed above and start new stuff. Haih. Maybe that's the reason why I hate to text you while you text others.
Today you told me you going Malacca and you noticed that I said something dodgy and followed by a "ttyl". You told me that I'm being secretive, but I denied. The truth is, I am not feeling happy right now. I'm not happy with everything right now. Even your half day trip to Malacca. Because of those things that are happening between us, I actually wanted to isolate myself. I didn't want to tell you that straight cause later you no mood. Then is all my fault again. Sometimes I felt like I'm restrained to tell you some truth about what I feel. In the end you no mood, then it's my fault.... You know what? Yes, I am tired of thing right now. So... love you lots. Nights.