Friday, 31 October 2014

Etude for Change (II)

Sometime in our life, we'll stuck to something without our consciousness.And that thing you are stuck on, you may think that it is what you want. What you belief it can make you happy. You belief that is the correct way, the thing that you want. Without actually realizing that you want to continue 'being stuck' to something that you don't want. You may realize it, but you still want to go on with that path. You belief you can't get away with that. You belief you can't let it go. You belief it's just too hard to let it go, you have traveled to far to give it up. 

But once you passed it, dumped it, forget it, you'll feel better. More than ever. 

That's like 7 months ago for me. I let it go, without knowing it is going feel so much better. If I had known this much earlier, I won't have to experience that shit. But I'll take that as a very good lesson. At that time, I swear so much to myself and god, about why is things not going well. But now, I thank god for what I passed through during that event. Of course you know what I'm referring to, the previous blog. If I didn't have such experience, I will be extremely stupid today, though im still one now.... but not as bad as before. Thank our lord, the best teacher.  

But that doesn't mean I can take on this new 'challenge'. I didn't do much this time, or maybe i shouldn't actually be doing anything to begin with. This girl now, I'm not that overly obsessed with her, just think that she's nice and I like her personality, her behavior. The previous event has thought me that people can change. From good to bad, and if you follow, you'll be the same. Really, I thought the girl on the previous blog was good, but she's so easily get influenced by other people. And this one now, she has her own 'life' she doesn't follow any 'bad' people, she's not the type that swag here and there, selfies here and there.... She's good I guess. She told me about her past during high school, and I somehow belief that she ain't the type that is like the girl on the previous blog. She beliefs in herselfs more than that girl. She's a kind of person that all teenagers should be like. The one that doesn't go out to clubs at night and go home at 2-3.  

I belief she's a good person and not the type that is like the girl on previous blog, but I can't 100% trust that. Not even 90% or 80%. I strongly belief that she's a good person like how I belief the girl in the previous blog before, but what if the same goes like before? Then I just can be friend with her only, not close, just normal.... 

I know she likes someone. Just don't know who is it... I never put my name in the list, cause I suck. About the friend-zone thing with her... Actually Im not sure how deep into friendship we are to begin with. I just said that because I have to assume that I won't be able to get her. It's just that I never have confidence about myself in this. Guess I just have to let her go? And from there I can tell how much I like her. Right now, I 'like' her. But I don't know how deep is my 'like' towards her. But in the end... I'll end up as a loser again and regret everything. So I practically don't know what to do now.

I hate liars like everyone else. She always hang out, and so far she told me that she only hang out with her female friends only ... I just hope that she didn't lie to me about that. Actually to tell the truth.... I..do feel quite suspicious about her hanging out with her 'female' friends... Cause when I went out with her... she seem... normal? So normal that it  doesn't seem to be her first time going out with one guy only. She doesn't seem shy when asking me to go out.... She's from a girls' school.... And I know she doesn't seem to have any... male friends?.. And so far... I only know I'm the only guy she chat with except for one other guy from my class? She told me that I'm the closest one for her in the entire school.. And I'm not sure about her 'close'. She said 'You know, I feel like we are very close... Just we don't show it?' Something like that, can't remember the whole thing. Then I asked 'why you hardly get close with me?' Then, to my surprised, she replied 'cause I shy.. > <' So.............. her shyness doesn't explain the 'normal' behavior when I went out with her. It's really confusing......even though it is a good sign for me...but still.....What a mysterious girl.

I really want to know... who da hell she likes?

Time for some lessons.

1) Love yourself before Love other person.

Doesn't apply to everyone. But you've gotta show some love towards yourself first than to the girl. If not, she may think you as a loser who's gonna cut himself any minute. Plus if you don't love yourself, why do you want to get someone to be with you? You hate yourself? Why not making it worst? So if you want someone to love you, love yourself and wish to have a good life for yourself, before another's.

2) Don't stick on her all the time.

Do you like, if someone keeps on following you? No? Exactly. Unless she or he's a person you like right? Even so, one day you'll be wondering why won't he/she stop following you, and troubles come into your head, such as annoyance. So, don't follow that girl all the time or JUST DON'T. If you follow her all the time, she'll think that you have no life, nothing better to do and other negative stuff. Pull yourself away from her. She is not yours. Not your wife or girl friend yet. Instead of following her, you should go chat with your friend. Girls will think you better if you have friends, but sometimes they don't take friends into consideration. But to be safe, go and have some friends to talk with. If not, do something productive.

3) Compliment 
 
If one day she wears something new (not including bikinis) and you think she suits it, tell her that she's looks good/pretty with that new thing when you see her face to face. Of course with a 'hey' or something first, before complimenting. She'll definitely be happy (unless in some rare cases). You may feel shy and etc. I know, I know...  Everyone's like that. But once you can get used to it, you won't feel any more shyness. You can compliment her when both of you know each other or meet for the first time. Make yourself special for her, that's the main key.

4) Watch over yourself.

If you are not sure on what to do during a certain occasion, think about something that you want to do to that person and imagine if someone does the same to you. If you think it is good, then do, if not, then don't. If time is in crucial state,you ought to think quickly.Doing this helps you to minimize your mistakes. Before answer questions, think as many answers as possible and choose one if you can't think of anymore answer. Some people just randomly answer questions when being asked by his/her crush because of that 'feels'. So, the thing is.. just relax and think when you are with your crush. Don't mess up things. Treat it like an exam.

Etude for Change (II)