but in human law,
no such thing can be evaded.
Day passed by and I'm still dumb as usual. I seemed to be very.... lifeless.. Staying at home all the time. I guess that girl will not look at me as someone good anymore.
Things are not tangled nor that bad, compared to the situation i had today last year. I don't want to show off my skills, but I managed to control my feelings towards someone for quite a while. I have not yet mastered it, but at least 5-10% improvement compared to last year.
Sometimes we can forget the one we loves, just to make us focus on our task more. Sometimes we can't, cause we are curious of something other than the task , broken heart, etc. What I do sometimes is to think about some facts I made for myself. Like, 'Fuck it, I can't get her anyway.' So then I would forget about her and think about something else. Though it's temporary... but yeah.
I can't see my progress with her. I'm not sure if it is going well or not. She starts the chat almost all the time, and chat till the captain tells us to sleep..... The only problem is that, I just curious of my rival. Is he real or not?
I can't tell for that problem. My next thing to do is to ask her out. We only went out twice and that was like.... 2 months ago?The only thing we went out for is to watch movies, nothing more. I want to ask her out this time... but I think I could have been to late. Today she went out watching with her friends who finishes their exam early. They are currently watching this movie.... if not mistaken is something hero 6. That's what I know. But I want to watch Interstellar. The review's good, that's why I want to watch. And I have a feeling that she might have watched it together with others today. Who says they can't watch 2 movies in a day? Well, if not today,then they might have planned to go again another day, or with another group of people. I should have asked her straight away last night. I should have seized the moment and not squandering it. And now I wonder when the next chance will be. Well if she had already watched it... I'll just buy the CD next time. I don't have any friends to go out watching with. Cause most of my friends now don't have cars, not the type I should bring around... etc.Plus the people who I always go out with are no longer here. Making friends not is not quite easy as before, cause they have their own friends already and it's hard for me to join in the conversation.
So what can I do? What to do when you are caught up in the situation when you can't do anything but to wait? Answer is, shut up and wait. Don't stress up our-self by thinking to much. For me, if she had watch it today or planned for it another day, then too bad for me. I'm just a loser as usual, i don't even expect myself to go out with her. Even though that's in my mind, I'll still do what I must in order to receive my actual answer. You may act that you are not giving any fuck about things, but you must remember that you ought to give some fucks to it, or else you might regret it.
This whole situation reminds me of Robocop. I wanted to watch with this person from previous blog, and have hard time thinking of what to do. But in the end she told me she watched it already with her little Miguel. And I have to watch it with some dumb person who can't shut up when watches movies.
Etude for Change (III)