Life of A2 is quite expected, real hard, real shit... and etc. This week my results from last year AS exam will be announced to me and.... I really feel like I'm gonna be extremely depressed about it.... My Chemistry.. I really don't know about it... just answer everything without knowing if it is correct or not. My Biology... Quite fucked up. There is this one question where the teacher did not write in notes for us... And Im so stupid for just studied the notes only.... Maths.... Oh my.... I feel there is lots of careless, and also the statistic... very bad.... For Geography... I can tell my last question consisting 25 marks will be cancelled due to out of point... DAMN!
Put my exam aside... really frustrating. Now about her...
Our relationship have been growing up and gets stronger everyday. We don't really have much problem in school. We do have some. But we took care of it. Now... I really feel like I have been making her depress quite alot due to my fault.... She cried few times for me.. What kind of a guy I am? I'm pretty sure u audiences who are single may be think 'I should have her instead of you!' Well it's quite obvious that you would say that. But I will never let her go. She's mine and shut up.
The way I made her cry was like... She told me once that me and her may not last long. I was like 'Wadafaq?' Why would she say that to me? It is really.. really a depressing thing to hear from her.That night, she knows that I was quite mad at her. She even lose focus driving and scratched a pillar when parking. The next day, I really felt like... Why? Why did she say that? Why would she say that? Why should I date someone when she is not thinking positive and said that we are not going to love each other for long time? So what's the point then if things are going to be like that? So I wrote in my whatsapp status 'How could you say that?' She saw it, and asked me why. Then she told me that she really felt so depress of herself, for saying something like that. She even said she would scratch her car over ten times and she wouldn't feel that sad. I felt really bad as a guy, so I called her. She was crying then. Then I told her my story about the girl in the previous blog. I called her until she felt better.
Im such a jerk.
Some other times... is because I was in my hometown. She missed me and cried a little when I called her...
See....
Even today I tried to joke around with her, but then she took it seriously... and right now, I seems to have annoyed her to much..... I really should go back to where I never do such thing.... I just getting more and more worst. I really have to stop and think before do anything.
If one day 'YOU' read this again.... Perhaps you made her so mad or sad because you have changed. Maybe you don't love her anymore? Maybe due to stress? Maybe you like someone else?
But listen. This is 'YOU' before. If these words doesn't make sense to you, mean you probably have killed your own self from the past.
To 'YOU' in future.
Joan, she is really a nice person. She made you checked all the criteria of what type of girl you want. She really cares about you, she cries for you, she doesn't want your money, she is not the popular girls you hate, she is just the girl that you never want to leave. She had a sad past during her form 4, just like you. You really got depressed before remember? Being with the girl from the previous blog? She set you free from all of those sad memories. And you did the same for her. What she wants is you and your guidance. She let you do lots of things she won't let others do. I really hope you remember that girls like her is pretty hard to find. You may like someone else now. But remember, you may have liked someone who is like the girl on the previous blog. See, you have a girl now, WHY YOU NEED TO GO FOR SOMEONE ELSE? You should remember that you tried hard to get her, don't be a person who does not appreciate anyone! You should take time to think. Do not simply make a very quick decision just because you are desperate, remember, you always fail in this. If you can, right now, apologize to her if it is needed. Don't go all immature. I'm you in the past, where my mind is most stable at. You really have changed do you? If you really did come and seek for this. Now go. Go, love Joan. If possible, forever. She's your real angel.