8/3/15
Dear Joan,
It's 2:37 pm now. It's been 3 months and 6 days... And so far, I don't find any problems being in relationship with you. We love each other, we care for each other, is something that I thought I'd never be able to have before. Since day one, I've always been guiding myself when ever it comes to you, controlling myself from getting into the wrong path, and that I believe I can make you happy, no matter where you are and the time. You have turned me into someone that I have never expected to be .For example, I no longer have the dislike of my appearance. Getting up in the morning, look into the mirror, smile and look forward for the day really did the job. Right now, even I want to say more about making you happy... but.. I guess I can't.
Today, is the day before the sale. You have been working more than the others. You constantly remind the others to do their work, whereas me.... 'The President' do lesser job than you. Currently I'm really really embarrassed of myself. I can tell that you are not happy with me, and that you are kind of mad with me. It is my fault for being a crappy leader... I thought I can do it with no imbalance of work in the group.. I guess I don't have what it takes to be one. I'm really sorry to cause you all these troubles. These things should actually be done by me, instead you do it for me. I don't know if sorry is enough to cover that up.. I guess today.. not gonna try to initiate any text to you.. I don't want to cause any unnecessary problems right now, as I really have been causing you too much troubles already.
Right now. I really don't know if I have been giving you more sadness than happiness. Whenever it comes to the topic of me going somewhere far to study, you're always sad.. I too feel very sad about it.. It's just more sad for me to see you depress. Making you happy is what I look for., but if i add up everything, I feel like I have been causing you more troubles..
Joan. I really really love you and that, I REALLY want to always be by your side, no matter where you go. What ever I say to you about the future, like living together with you, is not a laughing matter and that I'm serious about it. You've been making me happier every single day and that I can't thank you enough for that. That's why I would rather hurt myself, than to ever make you cry.
By the time you read this letter, I think I may have create more troubles to you. I really hope you can forgive me for all the problems I have caused you... I really hope you do forgive me..No matter how long it takes.. I'll just wait for it as I'm the one who causes all of them....